Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
