just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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