its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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