Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I deserve this hangover.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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