You really coming over, don't trick.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
