...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
