my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
