I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize