She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
