is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
