just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
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