Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize