yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
