why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
