Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
what is it with giant penises always finding me
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
