I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
