dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
