Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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