i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
