i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
