saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
