i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
