i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
