yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
