Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
