Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
