Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
a search helicopter?!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
