Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
