Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
