Having a random hookup so left but love u
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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