Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
