i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
