OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
