I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm just crazy horny about you
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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