Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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