apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
