So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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