fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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