Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize