would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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