Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
