There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Couch. On fire.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
