i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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