just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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