hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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