I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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