I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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