True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Randomize
