i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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