thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
