So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
me + whiskey = a bad person
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
