You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
