And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
