I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
