Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
