We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
