I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
