bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you will always have a special place in my vag
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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