Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
