She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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