She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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