I just saw a hot homeless man
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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