and next time when you feel me up, do it right
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
