Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
