'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
