he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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