i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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