She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
