Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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