remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
