Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
