I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
