Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
