Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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