Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
