She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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