I swear she didn't look like that last week.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
