I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
