A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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