I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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