Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
